Courtship Case

GOING TO COURT (A GIRL) Are there politics involved?

MY FORMER OFFICEMATE, AN ENGINEER, and a widow, often complain about going through some cold nights. Though it was not like he’s actually looking for some kicks to pass through the evening, it was more of a companionship that appealed him the most. And the thought of going through that courtship stage again entered his mind. But he doesn’t want the politics of it anymore, he wanted to have his girl without actually pursuing her. To him, the idea of having a relationship at this stage (and age) is just a matter of referral.

But it would be impossible to go through it without employing the stratagems of courtship. I guess he was just too tired to court a girl again any more than finding another partner in life.

We had this unusual conversation in our office back then. He even intimated to me that he has a hard time keeping up with the pace, at least from a courtship standpoint. Being the younger of the two, I could sense that he was just trying to solicit some info, tips maybe, about going back to that courtship thing again.

I’m not an expert in the field (like in so many things). In fact, I’m not really good when it comes to relationships. I had my fair share of mistakes, too (until now, unfortunately). It is probably the one topic that both excites and disappoints me to a fault, knowing that I could be rejected as fast as I could possibly woo a girl.

But that does not prevent me from observing how things work when the wooing winds up on Love Street. And like so many of us, I was privy to a lot of relationships around that I was able to deduce some of its overtures that could potentially blossom into a full-fledged partnership, like a marriage.

"The ability to take care of your partner is more of a work than a gift as far as a relationship goes."

  

Courtships are an exciting part of a relationship. Legend has it that Filipinos are fond of elevating courtship into another level, like a delicate form of undertaking, turning it into something artsy rather than a necessary requirement going into that proposal.

Unlike in the old days when harana was the stuff of legends, hopeless romantics singing under that pomaded hair, our modern-day courtship styles, however, has just passed that maudlin stage. “Love, courtship, and marriage,” a topic used to be a curiosity shop out there is now a foundation from which any union, especially marriage, should be built upon.

Although styles in courtship vary over the years, the intention, nonetheless, remains the same. Either you were looking for some companion (the love of your life), or merely looking for some kicks just to go through the night, these methods of wooing that long-lost girl of your dreams has stood the test of time, but was only modified to suit a particular setting or circumstance.

These techniques are not absolute solutions to your “girl problem”, though, but they could lead to something beautiful and bountiful under a given situation. Having said that, I might as well start with the most basic in wooing the girl of your dreams, something that would make you feel good even before approaching the love of your life.

STAR-CROSSED Courting the classic

CONFIDENCE. Without a doubt, it all starts with it. Women, as we have often been accustomed to, but without the courage to admit it, has that ability to size you up without even actually trying. They could sense that what you were saying was true or not. And, suffice it to say, confidence plays a key cog in that intricate machine.

And you really don’t have to go macho about it. In fact, being macho has nothing to do with being confident. It is a rarity in women to be attracted to guys with bulging muscles or having an unwelcome arrogance, preferring instead those who have something in between their ears.

Confidence comes from within, and should probably exude the moment you deliver it. Being sure of your words and what you have in mind while taking full responsibility for your actions, somehow sends an orgasmic flow in women, from her unpredictable thoughts down to her solar plexus. You can be sure that by the time you stand and deliver your message, she will be all over you, smiling without you asking for it.

COLOR. Sense of humor. Or, as one friend says it, “Sense of tumor.” As has been said, women are suckers for anything in between their guys’ ears, meaning, their brains, and humor seems to be its logical explanation.

While guys are into the physicality of things, including how women see and project themselves as, well, women; women, on the other hand, love to hear something from the opposite sex. There is almost a kind of absurd obsession in anything auditory when they scour for a sensible partner in life. And when all else fails, as most cases are, especially when guys don’t live up to that pretty boy image, humor is its own saving grace.

And to make matters worse, we often see partnerships, notwithstanding, married couples included, who seemed to be an utter mismatch, but looking into their relationship under a microscope, we see that humor, more often than not, validates the assumption that love is really blind and that others are deaf, too, after laughing out loud at a funny joke.

COLLAR. The idea is not to look presentable, but personable. It is rumored in showbiz circles that the reason why Robin Padilla’s leading ladies appear “too friendly” with this once Bad Boy of Philippine Cinema, it’s because, according to some insiders, Robin appears fresh and "aromatic" every time he’s on the set.

I don’t know if that rumor appears fresh in some circles, though, but having that sort of appearance, clean but not necessarily squeaky; smooth, but not feminine; personable, but not too superficial, certainly could make a case as far as wooing that damsel in distress goes.

I’m not suggesting that you should overdo everything, attracting too much attention apart from her, of course, because that would be counterproductive, but that you should display at least a pleasant disposition by being casual about your looks, regardless if you’re wearing something formal.

The secret? Just let your clothes hang in there, and let it compliment your already oozing confidence.

CONVERSATION. This is just an offshoot of your fairly established confidence and the presence of your smooth collar. If you could explain the Second Law of Thermodynamics from a perspective of a Lost Love, then you're on your way to a meaningful life from now on.

Unlike men, though, who often think of one night stands the moment a girl says “yes” to a date; women, however, tend to prolong the anticipation and the drama of the whole thing, and often find some sort of ejaculation just by listening to some men talk.

This is just a theory of mine, really, but a woman finds a conversation on a date a kind of foreplay that should be prolonged as soon as it hit the nerves. I did not realize this early on, but if you’re having a really good conversation with a girl until the wee hours in the morning, chances are, you’ll be exchanging vows in no time and after a few months, a child is born (after your own image and liking, of course).

GETTING TO KNOW Than just holding hands

CARE. Getting in touch with your feminine side. The ability to take care of your partner is more of a work than a gift as far as a relationship goes. And if you could incorporate your mother’s role in your courtship and eventually into your relationship, creating that home feel in return, then going to church and taking that long flowery aisle (for better or for worse) is quite a possibility.

Personally, I don’t consider this method a sure-fire winner, because a lot of girls today would prefer that they be taken for granted, owing perhaps that caring too much poses a kind of monotony in a relationship, no challenge at all, as some would say, but establishing a caring attitude during the courtship stage could probably go a long way. It creates a sense of security, that they would consider your courtship as a start of something so profound, like family and all that, other than its usual advances of hooking up and getting laid.

CUISINE. Now we’re dealing with something special. A counterpoint to the idea of “the shortest way to a man’s heart is his stomach.” But we’re turning the concept upside down. The effect though is that they (girls) would eventually welcome the idea of not having to spend their time pleasing some bastard watching that stupid basketball game on TV, while she’s out there in the sink trying to read the menu.

I suggest that a guy should present himself, intentional or not, in the kitchen during the courtship stage, never mind if he’s clumsy with the pan. And if he could churn out a delectable cuisine at the end of his “On-The-Job-Training”, well and good. Otherwise, the idea being is that there should be fun while doing the stuff.

Girls love to eat, too (oh, need I repeat that?), sweets in particular, and if you could pamper that with some cherry on top of that sundae, so to speak, your protestations will definitely ripen as your courtship progresses. 

Shabu-Shabu would be a start. But remember, it is not the food that counts, but the delicacy of the preparation that scores. 

"That desired companionship can still be developed only if he considers the “politics” of courtship as an experience rather than a requirement in the process."

CHRIST. Some women see your religious streak as a strength rather than a salvation. In our culture where a religious undertone gives an added punch (no pun intended) to practically every aspect in our day-to-day dealings, the prospect of wooing a girl through Christ could be so offbeat, some of us won't even dare go into.

I mean I still could not underestimate the power of inviting your desired girl for a church date, somehow it sounds so pleasant to the people around the house - that this guy is anything but harmful and detrimental to her well-being.

And besides, who would want to go on a date with the Devil himself, who might be on the prowl of eating you in the end, literally at times. Perhaps this is a good method after all. It will pave the way for that necessary (right) attitude at the start of a relationship.

But the catch is, I hope you won’t overdo it (Remember that seek-ye-first-thing to God?). That could potentially get in the way of your relationship with this gal. You have to be more specific. You like her not because it is already written in the Bible that you two are destined to be with each other (for a very long time?), but because you simply like her, and that Christ is just a way of enhancing your relationship with her.

CASH. I have decided to place this go-to move at the bottom of the standings for obvious reasons. And I’m not going to say either that this is the least of them all unless I'm a bit naïve about what’s happening around, but this modus operandi, as always, is in a league of its own.

Gone are the days when our romantic notions of courtship and love can be fairly enhanced by way of having that good clean fun during that courtship stage. Thanks to the expansive nature of this practice that our idea of courtship expands in a way only our imagination is the possible limit, provided you have enough of it. Somehow, with its presence and with its loose coins at times, any untoward incident as far as courtship is concerned could be dealt with just by putting up with its weight.

It is so powerful a tool for courtship that it can even woo an entire genealogy up to the third degree, through association, of course. But if you can afford to buy your love, well and good, only if you’re willing to pay the price, whatever that is.                  

SIDE DISH The intangibles involved

There are no hard and fast rules governing the politics of courtship. You can either use one or two of those I mentioned earlier, depending on the situation. You can even combine some of them, of course, for your own sake, just to be able to make an impression on that girl of your dreams.

I guess the most important thing one should consider, though, is the amount of work one has to put on it in order to deliver the goods, be it a casual date or a trip to that nearby church. It has to be a work first before it becomes a habit. Nothing comes easy, mind you, including this one.

Maybe my worried officemate needs to drum up that sort of habit (ASAP) if he wants to have a relationship worth his time. That desired companionship can still be developed only if he considers the “politics” of courtship as an experience rather than a requirement in the process. Unless he adopts that line of reasoning, his desire to have a partner in life will soon give way to his own deficits, particularly in a courtship, where it poses, most of the time, as a trial and error thing. Pursuing her should be the plan, everything else is complimentary.

But I do think there's nothing really wrong with him, apart from his age, of course, which is now in the twilight of his years. He seemed to be just like everyone else, worried if he has made enough impression so far, especially with the opposite sex.

Courtship, I think, should be a continuing phenomenon. Regardless if you’re married or not, or you don’t have a partner at all. It should be practiced at a proper time and in a proper context. It raises the bar of human interaction, and it even gives us something to look forward to.

And, for what it’s worth, I guess my bachelor friend was just wearing his sleeve on his tired shoulder. He even said to me that it is so hard to go through the night without a woman on that same shoulder.

That sounds more like there’s not much left to work onto. After all, if he can use that melancholic look of his in front of a girl, and appear sincere enough that there has never been a warm night since; he might be able to make some progress still and some follow-through, and become a sort of referral to that desired effect.