“LET ME HELP YOU, SIR,” said the bellboy, as soon as Theo arrived at the motel door.
“Good morning. There used to be a restaurant down here,” he said, examining the motel with curious eyes.
“It’s now a parlor, Sir, but we have room service,” the bellboy said, looking puzzled at why his guest greeted him with ‘Good morning’ when it was almost sundown.
“That’s okay. I saw a bar outside,” Theo said, walking cautiously towards the desk.
The motel had a tight entrance and it had steep stairs leading to the rooms. The hallway was dimly lit, but a slow, faint music could be heard humming from the pantry adjacent to the entrance hall. It looked more like a hospice, Theo thought, with its worn-out walls and antiquated furniture. It had a decent lobby, enough to squeeze at least a dozen people in it. But he saw some fresh potted plants at every corner and he felt refreshed. He was quite tired after almost two hours of travel, and despite his early lupus, he followed the bellboy to the third floor, laboring on the stairs. He was given a room with a slight view of downtown Davao.
“Here’s the key, Sir,” the bellboy said, after turning the lights and the air-conditioning unit on.
“Thanks,” Theo said, giving him a tip.
He went straight to bed after the bellboy went out. And only then he took a deep breath, relishing the smooth bed sheet against his back. He nurtured the silence inside the room and initially thought of staying in there the rest of the day. He wanted to take a bath but was too tired to undress. He got up, increased the temperature of the air-conditioning unit and hit the bed again, trying to close his eyes. Then he was up on his feet after what seemed to be an hour and turned the TV on. Restless, he went to the bathroom and washed his face. He had a long look at it, giving it a quizzical look, examining if there’s some tiny grey hair on his mustache. He noticed the bathroom’s high ceiling and the golden curtain rod with its silk curtain hanging on it. He went back to bed, still fully dressed, and thought nothing but sleep.
“This is just perfect,” he said to himself.
He had a quick look outside through the glass window and pampered the idea of going out. The rooftops of the buildings across looked inert and decrepit, and this old mall growing like a sore thumb in the middle of the scene, with the bellowing of the city streets digging in his ears. The events leading to his arrival at the motel was so fast that he needed a respite, a time off. “I could use a drink,” he said in a whisper as soon as he languidly went out of the motel and into the bar across a one-way street.
A lanky waiter greeted him and led him to a corner table where he could smoke. He ordered a steak and a Smirnoff to go along with. He saw a young couple from the far end of the bar whispering at each other, and the bartender was cracking jokes at an elderly man in a fedora who was himself enjoying a cup of coffee. The bar had a nice array of wine a few feet away from his table, with some tiny neon lights sparkling atop the display, along with some jazz music hovering around the counter. The place had a dark, soiled look, but unlike the motel’s lobby, it was saturated with rock n’ roll memorabilia and some large posters of old ads.
“You have a cigarette in there?” Theo said as he approached the bartender.
“What do you have in mind?” the tattooed bartender said.
“Dark…”
“Must be your lucky day,” the bartender said, as he dislodged a pack and offered him a light. “It’s fine. You can smoke in here. You’re new, right?” he added.
“Is there a discount to that?” Theo said, half-smiling, as he let out a deep smoke.
“Well, I don’t mind if you don’t tip me right now for a start,” the bartender said, smiling back at him, “I’m Mario, welcome to The Jade.”
“Theo. So it’s really called The Jade?”
“Sounds like a lady,” Mario said.
“It is,” Theo said.”
“I’m guessing you’re from that old motel, eh,” Mario said.
“Why, what’s with the place anyway?” Theo said.
“I heard some strange stories in there. I don’t know if it’s true, but what a place,” Mario said, nodding his head.
“Good luck with that,” Theo said, “Thanks for the light, though,” and he went back to his table.
“You’re welcome,” Mario said.
His steak was a blur and he ordered another Smirnoff. He was slacking a bit, perhaps an effect at how sluggish the bar was since he ate his dinner. Then he thought about that incident in his office earlier in the day, and how he went nowhere immediately after lunch. He left unannounced and that nobody knew where he was. He went home after logging out on his computer, packed a few things at home and left for the terminal. Somehow, he had this in his mind for quite some time, nine years after getting married, escaping from that routine and spoiling himself alone with a sumptuous meal and a tasty wine for a toast. That time off from the burden of keeping up with work. He felt relieved too that nobody knows him inside the bar. He traveled for almost two hours just to be able to escape the prying eyes of his associates, which annoyed him at times. And he wished to stay in this dingy bar all through the night, sipping his beer, and thought about not going home until Thursday evening. He paid the bill after downing his third drink, left a tip on the table, nodded casually to Mario and then went out. He changed clothes at his room, had a long look at his phone, which had 14 missed calls, before turning it off. And he went out of the motel again with his hoody and some white-soled sneakers.
The city lights looked encouraging to him. The 8 p.m. traffic was a lot loose, he noticed, that his walking was almost unhampered. He felt he had a bond with all the hustle in the street, it didn’t disturb him in a way his subordinates would from Monday ‘til Saturday. The hell I care, he murmured. He thought about having another drink in some wayward café but decided to walk further so he could have that sweat lingering on his shirt before gulping another beer or coffee. It’s been a while since he had some brisk-walking at night. Buried with work and a desire to elevate his position from the ranks, much of his time lately was spent with long hours in his tight cubicle or an overtime work in his kitchen table, and it has strained his disposition somehow even as his cussing increased over time. He was fighting his way through around the house too, with his estranged wife and a stubborn son. And he went on with these excuses since exiting the office early afternoon. Nobody even cared anyway. And he smirked after releasing that thought. He was also initially curious about their reactions, having planned on disappearing for a couple of days without informing anybody. It sounded like freedom to him.
He checked in a convenient store and bought bottled water and emptied it as soon as he paid the store clerk and went outside. Hanging out among the hoard, however, seemed cool for him, relishing at the sight of pimps and prostitutes on a cold night. He passed by a massage parlor and managed to talk to a masseur before dropping the business. He kept a smiling face while languishing on these sleazy spots, nodding at strangers, and even joking around with some beggars outside a busy restaurant about what a lousy government both of them share, now that a charismatic president was about to be impeached. He was wandering around, even stopping by a curiosity shop, looking for some socks. For a time, he was mesmerized at the debaters in the park, arguing over Bible doctrines as if from a real courthouse, after glossing over some DVDs lined up on the street. And he wasn’t feeling executive at all. He felt free trying to squeeze into the crowd like a typical pedestrian.
“You looked like you’ve been out from long walk,” said a middle-aged lady beside him on a park bench.
“I did,” Theo said.
“That’ll be perfect for a massage,” she said, grabbing her tiny bag onto her lap. “If you like, I can give you a discount. Not every day that I get to be generous,” she added.
“No, thanks, I already had my discount a while ago,” he said.
“I noticed the shoes you’re wearing. I bet you must be earning a lot to have shoes like that,” she said, unloading some of her massage wares.
“I seldom use this,” he said.
“That looks so expensive,” she said.
“Do these folks argue like that?” he said.
“Who, you mean the debaters? I don’t even know if they visited the church in their lifetime. Look at them, listen to what they’re saying, how could you possibly believe them?” she said.
“And you have to put up with that every night.”
“Oh, no, it’s so happened they’re here tonight.”
“So, how’s the business doing?”
“It’s fine. It’s not like I’m earning big myself unlike you perhaps. A big tipper like you would make my day.”
“Maybe some other time,” he said.
She smiled. And he went on with his walk. He saw his old university again. It looked much the same as when he left prematurely when his former girlfriend jilted him. Old memories raced into his mind. He suddenly felt some heaviness on his shoulder and for a while was thinking of going back to the park where that generous lady offered him a massage with a discount. The sight of that old university building brought back some sad, deep thoughts in him, from the time he learned how to argue with the university’s debating team to that day when he found out his pregnant girlfriend ran away with a soccer player. How he went to the Devil after that. He did make sure to stare at that building one last time before moving on. The night had grown cold and there were fewer people on that side of the street. He thought about walking for another two blocks before going back to the motel.
He left his phone in the room. He knew somebody would try to reach out through it, but he would dismiss the whole thing from his mind every time it comes across. He doesn’t want to think about his last meeting with his boss because that would ruin the night. He wanted to be careless. Someone who’s out for a walk without any thought at all, and he sauntered the dark streets as if on an easy errand, that there’s no need to hurry, no deadlines to keep, no feeding mouths to attend to at the end of the day. All he had was the howl of an almost deserted road and the murmurings of a few night owls wandering late. The plan of waking up all night started to creep in as he tried to wander among the city crowd in careless abandon. He knew nobody would look for him even if he doesn’t go home for the night. But that only made him smile. Not that they were looking for him because they want something, but that they felt a bit empty when he’s not around. That’s what occupied him. He wasn’t planning on using his phone for the night. And as he caught sight of a burger joint, he decided to hop in.
“Cheeseburger,” Theo said, looking at his watch and flashing a smile to the attendant. He saw that she had black polished fingernails, and he thought it looked sexy.
“Any drinks,” the attendant said.
“Iced tea,” he said. “Hey, ah, you know of any place here where I can buy beer? I know there’s a ban already, but, ah, I’m sure there’s a spot around here where I could sneak out a couple.”
“There’s a tiny store around the corner, maybe you could get a pack in there,” she said, handing him a tissue.
He returned the favor by sliding his calling card. She picked it up and stared at it before pocketing it in her pants.
“Perhaps I could have it with you? I stayed at that motel a block from here” he said.
“I go home late,” she said.
He noticed he was eating all night. He sensed he was overreacting with his newfound freedom. Enough of anything fancy like posh restaurants, wine glasses, lavish parties, he reasoned, eating in some wayward burger stall seemed fulfilling to him than gobbling an expensive meal atop a luxurious hotel. He nurtured the time spent with other strangers grabbing a bite of burgers just a stone’s throw away from a loud videoke bar. It was almost midnight, but the stall was full, as others were lining still. He stopped gnawing his burger in an instant after thinking about his last meeting with his boss. It was unfair, he said to himself. He was considered a pioneer in the firm, but his superior never even hesitated in telling him the bad news. He felt betrayed, lost, not knowing what to do. The company didn’t even give a hoot about his medical condition, which he suspected was the result of having to work out late despite stress and rain and fever at times. But he planned on spending all he had on that evening. He didn’t care. He almost gave a hefty tip to that poor attendant after she gave him some water. He tried to lighten the mood by cracking a joke to her, the latter responded with a wry smile.
He went straight to the store where the attendant suggested for a beer, and he was able to purchase a pack along with some gin. He asked the storekeeper to double the cellophane so as not to look conspicuous entering the motel, along with some potato chips, a shaver, shampoo, and his leather wallet in it. It started to drizzle. He wished there was some riot on the street to make his evening walk more interesting. That would be quite a sight before going further into the night. The motel looked so distant to him. It was a raggedy motel beside a forgotten hospital and a popular park. It had seen better days. The only snooping device in it was a CCTV camera atop the desk clerk. There were no metal detectors around, but he’s not having any chances, in case that lady guard might detect he’s tagging liquors with him. He arrived in the lobby and found her and the bellboy sloughing across each other at both ends of the sofa, half sleeping, he thought. But he approached the clerk as soon as he hit the desk, asking her for an additional blanket, and trying to distract her from the ubiquitous cellophane he’s carrying.
“Sorry for the intrusion. I know it’s late,” he said to the desk clerk.
“No problem at all,” she said, smiling.
He tiptoed his way through to his room. It was so quiet he could hear the rustling of the cellophane as it hits his leg while walking on that ghostly hallway. He noticed some old sculptures along its poorly-lit corridors. He remembered that strange thing Mario said in the bar, but that sounded preposterous on a night where all he had in mind was to relax and think of nothing else but beer and potato chips and the idea of escaping from that office hellhole. As soon as he arrived at his door, he felt a chill, noticing he had left the room with the air-conditioning unit in full blast. He toned it down, placed his goods carefully on a small table, got rid of his shoes and dived onto his bed. He let out a deep gasp as if he had survived a marathon and thought about spending the rest of the night lazing around the room.
After a couple of minutes lying on the bed, he turned on his phone and he made his way through to the bathroom and took off his clothes. He used the motel’s soap as a shaving cream and started running the shaver on his face. He noticed that his cell phone was blinking from a distance, but he didn’t mind, he went on shaving and humming a tune. After washing his face, he had a look at its countenance in the mirror before returning to bed. He scanned his phone, and sure enough, some of his office peers were asking for his whereabouts. I knew, he said softly. These were fake concerns, however, he reminded himself, and that there was nothing serious about it. But he noticed a number that was not in his phone book with a message, and it was from that petite girl from the burger joint. She told him she’ll wait outside of the motel in about half an hour if he’s interested. He replied he’ll be downstairs in half an hour.
He took a quick shower, shaved his pubic hair, and brushed his teeth. He grabbed the white t-shirt from his bag, donned his jeans, sprayed some cologne and readied his sneakers. He sat on the bed for a while for him to run late on their meeting, he didn’t want the girl to see that he’s too eager to meet up with her. He was slow in coming down the stairs. He was talking to himself in a murmur on what to say to the girl as soon as she’s in front of him. He went past the uneasy lobby again. And the female guard, minus the bellboy this time, was still on the sofa, giving him a slow nod as he passed by. As he neared the motel entrance, he could see the girl a few meters away from it, waiting.
“Are you alone?” the girl said.
“Yes,” Theo said, “Thanks for coming,” he added.
“So, shall we?” she said, jerking her head towards the motel.
“Yes,” he said, leading her towards the entrance.
They went straight to the stairs without looking or saying anything to the guard or the desk clerk. He was behind the girl on the stairs and he was staring at her butt swinging delicately in front of him. She didn’t speak a word, nor looked back at Theo, but asked his room number. From the looks of it, she was quite familiar with the motel. She didn’t even bother to stare at the antiquated furniture around. She was like going straight to her own room on a boarding house she’s probably renting. But Theo’s mind was somewhere else. He reasoned he’s so lucky that at first blush he was able to convince a girl with less talk, less politics, and that he’s in for a big night.
“You don’t have to do this, really,” he said to the girl while inserting the key to the doorknob.
“I’m here already,” she said, staring at him. He noticed the drowsy look on her face. She had a bony nose and there was a smirk on her lips as if to say that she’s done this thing before. And she smelled good, Theo thought, which was rare, especially after working on a tight, greasy burger stall along the road and with customers around the clock. He opened the door slowly.
“You wouldn’t be able to sleep the morning after,” she said.
“Why’s that? Theo said, puzzled.
“That window is positioned in a way directly to the sun, and with a thin curtain like that, it would be so bright in the morning,” she said, placing her bag on the bed. “But keep the lights off, I want it dark,” she added.
“I didn’t notice that,” he said. “Do you drink? I got a beer, or if you like, gin?”
“Are you a businessman?” she said.
“No, I was once a manager of a firm,” he said.
“Once?” she said, raising her eyebrows.
“Yeah, in fact, I resigned from my job earlier today to start a company of my own,” Theo said, handing her a can of beer.
“And what would that be? A burger joint?” she said, smiling.
“Would that be profitable?”
“I don’t know. They’re paying me still, so I guess it’s earning,” she said, checking the bathroom. “What do I know, really, I’m just a part of it,” she added.
“Don’t say that,” Theo said, standing close to her and touching her wavy hair. “I didn’t get your name.”
“Does it matter? I don’t do this, you must know that…” she said, and sat on the bed.
“I know,”
“You know?”
“I mean, you seem like a nice girl. We don’t even have to do this thing really. I just want some company tonight, that’s all. But don’t worry, I’ll pay. Don’t get me wrong, I’m just trying to relax from all that shit load of work. I’m glad you came, I do. I looked at you in there, I thought, you’re interesting, knows how to handle yourself, I guess, the way you talk to people, strangers you don’t even know. I was a bad manager, you know, and I don’t treat people well. So, I guess when I saw you… I said to myself, ‘what the hell’. That’s when I handed you my card,” he said, taking a shot at his beer.
“Why don’t you just sit down,” she said, ushering him to the chair, and kissing him while rubbing his chest. “Relax,” she whispered.
She unzipped his pants and cupped his burgeoning hardness. Theo leaned back heavily on the chair and closed his eyes, releasing a heavy breath, still holding on to his beer. He felt good about lying to this strange girl; that he did not resign but was fired from the company after he lost clients faster than his days went. He looked at the window and he could see the glaring rendezvous of the city lights.
“Wait,” he said, interrupting the girl, “Why don’t you just stand in front of me for a moment.”
“You want to see me?” the girl said. She stood up, unbuttoning her blouse and getting rid of her pants, leaving her half-opened blouse and underwear trailing in the dark. She sat on his lap and kissed his cheeks. He could smell the perfume she probably used before meeting him. He kissed her cleavage as she was rubbing his hair with her frisky hands. She seemed calm even as she was moaning gently against his ears.
“More beer?” he said, kissing her neck.
She looked him in the eye, stood up slowly, took his beer on the table and drank. And the perfume which had him feeling dazed disappeared under his nose like a passing fog in the air. He stared at her as if she’s an apparition. She was looking across the window despite the swaying curtain in front as if she was expecting something from it. She looked at him and smiled.
“I should go,” she said.
“What?” he said, surprised.
“I need to go,” she said, putting her clothes on. “I’m sorry.”
“Wait,” Theo said, as he grabbed her arms and kissed her, “Don’t leave,” he said.
“I have a husband,” she said, placing her hand on his chest.
He watched as she hurriedly went to the bathroom, arranged her clothes, put on some perfume and scrambled to the door.
“Hey,” Theo said, “Wait a second,” he grabbed his bag and handed her some cash. “You could use this,” he said.
She counted it. “But this is too much,” she said.
“I understand,” he said, opening the door slowly.
She took a long look at him and went out without saying a word while embracing her bag. Theo watched her as she descended the stairs before closing the door. He went back to the chair where she gave him a good time. His beer was no longer icy cold, but it was far better than what he initially thought, even as she drank from it. And he put some music with him through a speakerphone, enough to accompany him through the night. PJ Harvey never sounded so good until that evening, he thought. He set aside the curtain on his window so he could see the rooftops of the buildings across the motel.
He opened his laptop and wrote a note on it. He never gave much thought to what he wrote. He felt that he needed to address his situation and that writing about it would clear his mind. He was into it, wrestling with ideas, talking to himself, glancing at the window, turning the TV on twice, and then went back to his laptop. After the initial draft, he went to bed and masturbated, recalling that strange burger girl and her smooth, hot mouth on him. He took a shower afterward and went back to his note, reading it carefully as if receiving a memorandum from his boss. Minutes passed then he put out his white long sleeves from his bag, a new pair of socks he bought on his way back to the motel and his favorite black, leather belt on the bed, with his office shoes underneath it. He stared at it as if checking if he missed something. “I understand,” he said. He was still on his towel when he gobbled his last beer, and shifted to his gin. And he did some stretching for a while, constantly looking at his physique from the bathroom mirror. He looked slimmer than a year before without some noticeable love handles at the sides. He was humming a tune, “You looked me, in the eye directly, you met me, see this sunset over me…” while donning the clothes he placed on the bed. He got rid of his wedding ring and after seeing the white mark on his finger, he stopped humming. He looked at his watch and chuckled.
He went out to the hallway as soon as he had donned his clothes. He stared at the replica of paintings on it, admired the intricate sculptures which were cunningly imitated from the original. He felt that there’s not much of a difference between the city streets at night and this deaf, narrow hallway as both of it are now deserted. There was a sense of arriving at that moment on every corridor even as it blended well with his unannounced office departure or why he had to walk on it at dawn in office attire. He could see the puzzled look of the utility at the corner of his eyes when he passed by him. He responded by looking intently at his phone as if he’s expecting a call.
He sent a text message to the strange girl, asking her if she’s home. She replied with “Beth”. And he sat on the stairs, sending her messages without actually expecting any reply. After receiving her apology again over the phone, he did not bother to reply in return. He simply put his arms on his knees and placed his chin on it, staring at a wide mirror on the wall across him.
He went back to his room and sobbed. He sat on the floor with his back against the door, trying to fight back his tears. His head was aching after squeezing everything on his head, from his boss’s unnerving announcement, his wife’s online dalliance with his co-worker, his slithering lupus, his numerous loans, all the way to his son’s failing grade at school. His life was in shambles, he said to himself, wiping his tears with his own hands. He didn’t want this night to end, and he wanted to hide under the covers of its growing darkness.
He got up and sat in front of his laptop and plugged in the charger. He stared at what he wrote without saying a word, his tears still flowing. He tinkered on it to suit what he felt at that moment and took a deep sigh before placing his hands on his lap, without moving a bit. He thought about the steak he had for dinner, that rumor Mario said in the bar, the serendipitous walking he enjoyed earlier in the night, the massage he could have with that kind masseur in the park, the debaters with their loud arguments, the antique furniture he kept touching on the hallway on a quiet dawn, and that moment when he first laid eyes on Beth—that strange girl who worked at that burger joint and their clandestine time together in this small, dark room in the middle of a sleepless city.
After leaving his laptop open with his note on it, he stood up and increased the TV volume, took his favorite belt with him to the bathroom and dragging the chair he shared with Beth inside. He looked at his face in the mirror and noticed some grey strands on his hair as he stared at it long enough to hold his breath. He opened the faucet so he could hear the sound of the water hitting hard on the container, and waited for it until it overflowed. Then he looked upon that golden curtain rod just above the shower before turning the lights out.
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